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Bad Romance: Modern Wicked Fairy Tales Novel Review

I wanted to like this collection. I really did. I love fairy tales. I love retellings of fairy tales. With an added steamy twist? Whoa, mama! tumblr_inline_n2pijvMxqg1qdlkygBut this collection is horrible.

Overall:

I expected loosely based retellings based on the blurb for the books. But many weren’t connected to the original tales outside of a single detail, which didn’t really satisfy my cravings for a “steamy fairy tale” and many of the steamy scenes were awkward, or, in the case of some, laughable.

Beauty:

“The Beast” has a scarred face and covers it with a ski mask. The entire time. Awkwwwwwward. Plus, he lives in the woods, secluded (because he’s hiding from someone) and living off the land. But somehow has money to buy her presents? Huh? lolwut It’s those little details that take me out of it. It felt like “Oh, billionaires are popular right now so I have to have a lead that showers presents” even though it makes no sense in the plot.

Goldilocks:

It started off good, but I couldn’t finish it. I started laughing during the steamy scenes.

Sleeping Beauty:

She can only orgasm while she’s sleeping. So she’s sent to therapy. And her doctor is the love interest. Guess what happens. Holy ethics nightmare, Batman! ghost30

Rapunzel:

She’s a hairdresser who has cancer and wears a wig. Interesting! But the plot that follows is the same romance I’ve read hundreds of times. If you like that sort of romance then you’ll probably like this one.

Red Riding Hood:

This is probably the most accurate to the original fairy tale. Plus, it’s set in the 40s, which is pretty cool. I love period pieces like that. But she doesn’t act like any woman in her period does. It’s played off as “modern” or “ahead of the times” but that’s such a cheap cop-out.

Alice:

This was trippy in a bad way. Wonderland, is, of course a BDSM club. Yawn I have issues about “modern” adaptations of Alice to begin with, and I’ve read this “twist” countless times with every single “I’m going to redo Alice in Wonderland GUESS WHAT” UGH. I do commend her writing during the surreal parts, but there was nothing of substance here. The steamy parts were like a drug induced haze of descriptions that made it nauseating to read. madmad

Hansel and Gretel:

Well, it didn’t go the sibling-love route. That was surprising. Everything else was boring though, so idk, maybe she should have done a little scandalous but predictable basis. I’m not sure it would have saved the boring plot.

Peter Pan:

This is quite possibly the worst steamy short I have ever read in my life. No exaggeration. From the hilarious sex scenes to the overall weirdness of the plot, I kept laughing in the worst of ways. Let me elaborate: Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are a band. I guess they’re popular, they kinda just exist to make Peter a rock star. He acts like he’s well, ten years old. He’s eighteen in the short. His personality is so juvenile it’s off-putting. Then at some points it feels like he’s grooming Wendy and it’s creepy.

Tink is a transgender woman who is portrayed without any sense of tact. Honestly, that angered me the most. It’s every horrible stereotype rolled into one. Anyway, Peter was an escort but he took all the money from his pimp (Hook) and that’s how they were living.

Final Thoughts

If the worst crime was boredom, that would have been one heart. But the Peter Pan remake was so god-awful I am stunned the author is in the  “New York Times Bestseller” and “Million Copies Sold” club. Tink alone was worth giving this entire collection zero hearts, so that’s my ruling. She should be ashamed of how she wrote that character.

*Just as a reminder, I do not publish names of authors with Bad Romance. Sometimes an author has a bad book that’s not indicative of their entire body of work. The titles are easily googled, yes, but that’s on the reader, not me. winkheart2

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